The Most Common Mistake – Real vs. Fantasy

The Most Common Mistake – Real vs. Fantasy.

I have done a lot with my life, more that many not as much as some, yet I still find there is more to do. There is always something I can write about, some question that keeps coming up, some answer that seems elusive until someone else comes along with it. Today, while sitting down reading about writing habits, I came across a movie about a writer who made on of the most common mistakes that I see people make. I fell prey to this mistake as well, and I hope if you read this that I can inspire you not to make that mistake.

What is the most common mistake?

• It is foregoing your dreams and passions for what the perceives as something more realistic.

• It is ignoring that passion and innate talent and forcing yourself into an average job you are unhappy with.
• It is believing that your passions, no matter how rare, are somehow less than what the average people are doing.
• It is choosing to take a path that makes you unhappy simply because you do not believe you can do what you love.
• It is choosing the humdrum over the outrageous.

I could go on, instead let me give you advice I wish I had, advice that I wish I would have been smart enough to take if it were offered during the times in my life when I was pursuing my dreams.

The Advice:

• Be outrageous! Add in a sprinkle of realism and you will do just fine!
• Do what you love, find your passion and pursue it! Try and find a job in or related to what you love so you can support yourself while you pursue your passion.
• Do it for the love of doing it! Don't do it for the money, the fame or the fortune. Do it because you love it. I believe the saying goes something like a man who loves what he does, does not work a day in his life.
• Don't listen to the naysayers, surround yourself with supportive people who want to see you succeed. Constructive criticism can be very valuable, negative criticism is worthless.

The Story:

You might be sitting there reading this wondering who is this to give advice. Well let me tell you a little story about myself. I was always a writer. It all started when I was very young, I loved to read, I would sneak under the covers with a flashlight to finish reading a book every night I could. Most writers have a similar story. I had a vivid imagination, I loved to read and imagine the stories coming to life. I could smell, hear, taste and see everything in the stories I read. Sometimes I read to get away from my life, other times it was to find a friend, whatever the reason, I was in that story somehow. I started writing my own stories, daydreaming making up stories in almost every waking hour that I wasn't responsible for school work. Even average chores turned into magical experiences. By the time I hit High School I turned to writing poetry to express my angst, to work through all the trauma life had given me, and largely to deal with my mom's death. I was published in several anthologies, and awarded several editors choice awards. My confidence grew, I was a writer! I was going to go to school and major in English and minor in Music and Theater and I was going to follow my dreams!

What were my dreams? I wanted to be a writer, a singer/songwriter, a dancer, a model an actress and artist. Notice a common theme? I even received an award from the Governor for my digital art display that was entered into a traveling display. I went to the big state concerts for Cello and Choir, I was ready to go after my dreams in college. I went to college and I enrolled in English, and Music, and took art classes, and I worked full time and several jobs, when you work that much your grades do suffer, there is not much help for it. Eventually, after hearing:

• What are you going to do with that degree?
• Why don't you do something more realistic?
• Don't you know the likely hood of you making a living at that are next to impossible?
• How will you support yourself with that degree if you can't get a job?
• That industry only works for people who know people?
• Your passions are just hobbies?
• You'll never make it.

All these things were said, and much more cruel things that I don't bother to give much thought to nowadays.

What did I do? I changed my major, I went on to get my Bachelor's in Science in Business Management with a computer science minor. Then I went on to get my Master in Science in Information Science an American Library Association accredited program. I bought myself a newer car, then a house, then a motorcycle, but something was still missing. I wasn't happy. Because I wasn't doing what I loved to do.

So, faced with this new reality, having everything I was supposed to have, and still feeling somewhat empty I took a new approach. I kept my job as a dispatcher for several years before I took a programming job, but I started to work on my writing and music again. Shortly after I got my studio set up, I had to tear it down to take in two wonderful children, my niece and nephew. I changed jobs to another firm for programming so I could be at home with them but the company fell on hard times and I was laid off. So I wrote, I self published a few books of poetry, I worked on music and sold a few songs, and I started a novel. I graduated with my Masters degree just in time to take a part time librarian position with a wonderful library that became my springboard. I went from that librarian position to being the director of a small library. It wasn't where I thought I would be but it was where I needed to be. More importantly it showed me where I was supposed to go.

I had it wrong when I was younger and I wanted the fame and wealth, I had it wrong even a few years ago when I wanted the fame and wealth because I wanted to drive change and save the world (yes I am one of those people, insert giggle here). I wanted it all and I wanted it right then, but I missed the point. I loved to write, I loved to create, so what does it matter if I get paid for it. I love being a librarian, I have always loved the library, and for the first time I was doing something that fit in with my dreams, even facilitated them.

I found a job where reading and writing were part of it, I found a job that reminded me that it was the passion of putting the words out there, of seeing your name in print, or getting a comment that you helped someone, or writing that song that helps someone because the identify with it. That was when I realized the most common mistake people make is not to ignore their dreams and passions but also to pursue them for the wrong reasons.

Pursue your dreams and passions because you love to do them, don't try to make them a job, but do try to find work that compliments your dreams and passions and reflects you. Surround yourself with supportive people, welcome constructive criticism but do not welcome abuse or negativity. It really is easy once you get to this point, but I took a rather long difficult road to get here! I hope I can help you avoid some of those difficult paths with this tidbit of my experience.

Namaste,

Michol Mae

Stress Management - Reconciling the Past Present and Future

Who was I?  Who am I? Who will I be?  Who do I want to be?  The answer: I am myself. in all of these questions I am still myself.  Yes I have seen the changes through the years, some will call it growth, perhaps some digressions, others success, and yet others will say I am the same.

They would all be right.

Yes, I have grown, digressed, succeeded and failed, and I am still at my core myself.  Yet, I have lost myself.  Have you ever lost yourself?  I feel as though everyone losses themselves from time to time, they get caught up in all of the peripherals and lose sight of themselves.  It can be easy to do, you go through life and layer it with more and more responsibility, more and more to lose (or so you think) more and more stress, and you find yourself feeling all sorts of feelings, then you get a little nostalgic, you think back to the days in high school, or grade school, perhaps college, those days when mom and dad paid the bills had the stress and you just worked on your grades, well some of you did.  You look at your life and you think, have I changed?

No.  You did not change you adapted to the perceived stress, the perceived risk of loss, you gained more responsibilities and became more responsible and with that you became more stressed, but you at your core are likely the same.   You get nostalgic because you miss that free spirited feeling, that feeling of freedom, where now you feel confined.  It's a ripple effect as well, no you are stressed your mind body and spirit can be affected.  You find little things that you used to do, music you used to listen to bring up feelings you can almost identify with but not quite enjoy because you now have a wall.  A wall of perception that is quite real in your mind. The wall that says you can't be who you were you have to be responsible.  Can't you be responsible and still enjoy who you were at your core?

Of Course!  Break the wall. Break the illusion of control.  Let's face it, in this day and age everyone is stressed out about potential job loss, home foreclosures, war and a variety of other potential stresses.  Why add to them.  What can you control?

Yourself.  You can control yourself, how you act and react, even how you feel that is what you can control.

Let's get back to basics, what do you need?  I mean really need.  Make a list. Look at it again, what can you cross off, you don't NEED a big screen TV that is a want.  You NEED to put a roof over your head and have food.  Do you have that?  Are you able to provide that at this moment every month?  If you can find your needs and meet your basic needs, the rest is all mental.

Yes. Mental.  You have to retrain your brain now to recognize needs and wants.  Sure you want to get out of debt, did you want that when you were in college, chances are no, you wanted an education and it cost you some debt, but you pursued it because you knew it was important.  So sit with yourself for a moment and consider your needs and you wants, while you are at it consider who you want to be.  Chances are you don't want to be that angry person losing their mind because someone gave you the wrong coffee, wouldn't you rather free yourself from the knee jerk reactions and be able to respond to things without losing it.  It is not easy in the beginning but it can be done if you decide that is the direction you truly want to go.

I made that decision.  I also decided to share with you what works and does not work for me.  For now I have to run, I have work to attend to. Think about it, leave me comments, sometimes writing it out or chatting with a friend is all you need to do to realize where you are and where you want to be.

Namaste
Michol Mae

Finding Your Way to Wellness – Tips on Weight Loss, Fitness and Wellness

I found myself writing this article in my head long before I sat down at the keyboard.  Chances are, if you are reading this, you want to get fit, lose weight or find a way to have a better sense of overall wellness.  You might be struggling with your body image, your fitness level, perhaps you just want to find a few better habits. 

I started thinking of this article after struggling with my weight for some time.  I was always a “skinny” girl growing up, and I always thought I was fat! Even when I was underweight!  As I got older I struggled more and more.  It seems as you age and your body changes it handles everything differently from stress to all the chemicals in your body, and it is easy to succumb and feel defeated.  DON’T!  There is a way out.

Now you are going to read what I tell you and it’s going to seem so simple,  and it is, IF you can commit to a wellness plan that fits you.

First, I want you to know that your fitness, weight loss, and wellness all start with you mind.  80% or more of getting fit and well is mental.  That means you have to make a few mental changes. 

The Mental Action Tips

1. Make the decision to get fit, well or lose weight.  You have to decide, before anything that you are going to commit to it.  Much like when a smoker decides to quit there will be many bad habits that you need to break and that starts with deciding to do so.
2. Take a hard look at how you treat yourself.  Would you let anyone else treat you that way? So why do you let yourself?  This is not easy, but it is critical to do!
3. Stop beating yourself up! That’s right STOP! Don’t say oh my goodness I have gained so much weight, oh my have flab, or I’m ugly.  If it is negative make the decision to stop it, and turn it positive.  Be honest with yourself about things, but positive.  You might weigh more than you like, that’s okay, we can fix that.  Tell yourself, okay so I gained some weight, that is okay, I am going to work it off.  Then you are eliminating some of the stress from yourself.  If there is something you want to change, be honest but positive!
4. Watch your stress level, different people handle stress different ways, I used to lose weight, now I gain it  from stress, so I know that stress is a killer for my wellness plan.  I took a look at what was stressing me out and one by one started to address those items. Take a moment to identify areas of stress, eliminate it if you can but if it is a fact of life, find ways to cope with it better.
5. Pamper yourself.  That’s right pamper yourself this goes along with the stress reduction.  IT might be as simple as  setting aside 30 minutes of you time at the end of the day where you light some candles and rub in some lotion.  Maybe you try meditation, or do your favorite hobby.  Whatever you decide it should make you feel great about yourself, happy and calm! You owe it to yourself so take at least 30 minutes and pamper yourself, and hour is better, the more time you can do this the better you feel and your stress levels will no longer be a factor.
6. Give yourself a break! It takes time, and you will probably fall off the wagon, life happens, you get sick, it’s OKAY! Just get back to it, remember you made a decision to!

The Physical Action Tips

1.  First things first get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep, your body needs it. I used to be very stubborn about this, I hated having to sleep because I have so much to do.  The bottom line is that your body needs this sleep to rest your muscles, your mind, as well as to process the events that have been happening. Studies show lack of sleep to be tied to obesity, so do yourself a favor and try for 7-8, if you have to get 6 and take an hour nap that day, but less than at once and you are stressing your body!
2. Drink water, lots of water! I used to hate this too, I was a soda drinker, hardcore!.  I have reformed, I started by adding in flavor to my water and now I can drink it flavored or not.  It is good practice to drink 2 Liters of water a day, then add in additional water when you work out.  So I will drink 2 liters a day and when I work out I often drink an addition liter.  Soda does dehydrate you, as does coffee, you might not feel it but it is a fact, I have seen people end up in the hospital for only drinking these items.
3. Get your physical activity in! Imagine that at least 30 minutes of physical activity is needed just to maintain your current situation, are you motivated to get that walk in yet?  Maybe walking isn’t for you, that is OKAY! Find what is right for you, find a work out that you like or better yet LOVE! It might take some time but don’t give up just because you don’t like one thing.  It is better to do something rather than nothing and if you enjoy it you will be more likely to do it!  I love ZUMBA and I am a certified instructor so that is what I love, but I like free weights as well, so I do both.  I don’t like running, but I do try to work it in when I am feeling adventurous, but I don’t force myself to do anything I don’t like because then I would be thinking of all the reasons I can’t or won’t do it!  Pick what you like and make a feasible schedule!
4. Start Small! If you are just getting back into a routine keep it simple, keep it shorter, don’t go all in and work out 2 hours, another mistake I used to do! Start with between 30-60 minutes if you can and if you can’t THAT’s OKAY, do what you can, and build on it every week!   If you start with 20 minutes after a few week (I usually change it up every 3) increase it by 5, 10 or 20! See what you can do!
5. HAVE FUN!  Do things you have fun doing! If you are a nature walker go for a long walk! If you like to dance go dancing or (of course) try ZUMBA! You get the idea, do what you like to do!
6. Watch your eating habits! Now I admit I am the last one to lecture on eating habits, I’m miss pizza and breakfast!  But alas you have to be careful that you don’t say well I worked out today so I can eat a 12 cut pizza to myself, no, no.  Moderation is key here, I would never say stop eating what you like, but use some good judgment on how much you eat, especially on items you know to be bad for you.  Try to add in “work-out” foods and drinks that help replenish what you lost.  A quick google search should help you with that! It will depend on the type of work out’s you do!

There you have it, a list of things that I have implemented that have helped me start slimming back down.  It’s not the end all be all, and every person is different but I do hope this helps some of you out there stuck in a rut.  Remember, don’t look at yourself and say oh my I’m so big, look at yourself and say oh, I am a little bigger than I would like to be, it’s okay I’m going to do something about it, and get back into the shape I want!  Beside if you really are bigger than you want (and it isn’t just you being critical of yourself which is far more likely) there really isn’t any instant cure, so the only option you have is to decide to do something! Be kind to yourself!

Increasing Your Sense of Self-Worth

I have told several people, on several occasions, I write and I sing, but who am I that anyone will care. For the most part people seem to agree, they would nod there head or say good for you to pursue your dreams, until one day I was talking with a friend of mine. I sat at my kitchen table talking with my friend, she is a relatively new friend but our friendship might as well started lifetimes ago. I said to her “Well, I write articles and blogs, and write my own music as a hobby, I love what I do but, why would people care about me, I’m a nobody: and I laughed at the absurd notion that people would seek me out specifically to read what I write. My friend did not laugh, instead her brow furrowed and she looked and gave me a reply that I would never have expected, due to the personal nature of the reply I will not write it word for word, but I will say she looked me in the eye and told me I was somebody, not a nobody. She pointed out all that I have done and been through and the value that I have to offer in the world in such a way she convinced me in that moment I was of value. I was SOMEONE! I felt pretty good about that, but I didn't act on it right away, I let it sit with me, roll around in my head a bit and from this one conversation came today’s topic self-worth.

How many people tell you that you are worth something? How many people make you feel like you are worthless? Unfortunately the odds may be stacked against you (Unless of course you are one of the lucky ones that compliments always came easy too, in which case hat’s off to you ). In today’s society it seems we have put a premium on being negative and are more likely to seek out the flaws of a person than to say something nice. To make matters worse I have heard an increasing number of people say “If S/He doesn’t say anything than that means I am doing good.” This kind of workplace practice spills over into relationships and if we are not careful before we know it the whole world will start adopting this negative based mentality, where it is acceptable to reprimand but never compliment. This can take a heavy toll on your self-esteem if you are not prepared.

It can be very challenging to change your mindset, but I challenge you to do just that, I challenge you to say “NO! I will not sit idly by while our society takes a further nose dive” and I encourage you to take back your personal power. Let me be one of the people to tell you that YOU are SOMEBODY! You have something to offer, I know that you do, and somewhere inside you know you do. Now you may be reading this thinking “Who is she to tell me I am someone!” yes, I get that response, and I don’t take it personally. Who am I, I am a mother, and aunt, a sister, a friend, a musician, a writer, an I.T. professional, a Librarian and so much more. Back in college I was asked to write a paper called I Am, and I wrote I Am Me! I filled that paper with who I was but the fact reminds that I am simply me, and I will change like the ebb and flow of the tide because that is the nature of life. Now, that we have that settled, who are you? You read this far so you must be somewhat interested in reclaiming your self-worth, perhaps you are even waiting patiently or otherwise for me to get to the part where I tell you how.

That being said let me give you a list of steps;

1) Challenge yourself to believe that you are worth something to the world, (clicktotweet) at some point in life someone may have told you or lead you to believe you were worthless, you do not have to agree with them, do not let them carry this influence over them. They have their opinion, let them have it, but know that you are worth something.

2) You are always worth something to someone (clicktotweet), in fact you are worth something to me, the fact that you are reading what I write makes me grateful to you, and the fact that you are willing to improve yourself and challenge negativity makes you valuable to the whole world.

3) Write a list of what you do well, everyone has things that they do well, if you struggle with this use social media to ask your friends and family what they think you do well. If you don’t want to do that then list what you love to do, and if you love to do it, you can learn to do it well.

4) Write a list of all the negative statements that anyone ever said to you, anything that diminished your self-worth, anything that stopped you from doing what you love, or just impacted you negatively. Then look at each of them ask yourself if you think it is true, then tell yourself it is not true, you do not accept it, and burn it, or crumple it and throw it away. When you are getting rid of this paper focus on it, you are releasing it.

5) Don’t take anything personally the fact is everyone acts out based on their own situation, some people could be telling you these negative things because they are jealous, because they are insecure, or because someone else told them the same thing, it’s not that they intentionally want to hurt you, they might not know better, but understand they do what they do because of themselves, not because of you. I had a woman completely dismiss me once, she shooed me away like I was of no value at all, and I was hurt, I was angry but I used some of the steps I am giving you and I was able to regain my composure, the next time I worked with her she was very polite and friendly, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she didn't get the angry response she expected, either way I knew it wasn't personal, and so I was able to finish my day and formulate a good relationship, where if I had reacted out of my own anger from my own feelings of insecurity I may have made an enemy. So don’t take it personal!

6) Express yourself. How many times do you hold things in? How often are you afraid of saying something? Chances are if you read this far, it’s pretty often, maybe you don’t like confrontation, maybe you want everyone to like you, whatever the reason, holding in anything is not healthy, what’s more holding it in can lead to misinterpretation. So take the time to formulate a response or comment, be kind but firm and assertive. I have a family member who will get mad and you know it because of her body language but you might have no idea why!? It’s maddening! I often thing isn't it better to just say it instead of getting all twisted inside, but then I wouldn't say anything for fear of getting her further upset and I got all twisted inside! Finally, I came to these steps and I used them, even with her, I was able to be honest, speak with integrity and prevent these twisted moments. If I suspected she was upset about something or that she was going to be upset I would say something like “I was afraid to wake you if I called so late, or I was afraid you would be aggravated if I came over at that time” You know our relationship is so much less twisted and she probably has no idea why! Don’t get me wrong it was not easy to do at first but after the first few times you realize you gain benefits from it. You are worth it! Express yourself! Your feelings are valid! (clicktotweet)

7) Give yourself a break! Realize that you are human, you will make mistakes, you will say the wrong thing, it’s okay, it doesn't matter how many mistakes you make you are still SOMEONE! In fact some of the greatest inventors of our time make hundreds and thousands of mistakes before discovering something that changed the world!( clicktotweet) Remember that, you can change the world!

Finally, although I could write much more on this topic, (in-fact perhaps I should write an e-book) remember that you cause a ripple effect in all that you do. A stone thrown into a pond ripples out with thousands of ripples, some large & some small but that stone started it all. You are that stone( clicktotweet), let your ripple effect be a positive one. If this helps you, I want to know! Leave a comment! If you have any helpful suggestions leave a comment!

Post Graduate Depression

So you went to school, for what may seem like forever, you paid your dues, you worked hard, and you graduated with a Graduate degree, you should be on top of the world right?  So why do you have a nagging sense of depression?  Is there something wrong with you?  Shouldn’t this be one of the happiest days of your life?  If you are feeling this depression, there is nothing wrong with you, in fact, it is very normal, and depending on the economic times, it can be even more prevalent.

An article in The New York Times offers some explanations and advice, stating that a lot of anxiety comes from being educated and jobless, it also mentions that as of 2009 we are in one of the worst job markets since the Great Depression.  Even if you put yourself through college, and don’t have the extra guilt of costing your parents for school, the mounting debt of your education can also take its toll.  Even with a decent job the pressure is there to find a career that utilizes and even better yet pays you for your degree.

    

The Huffington Posts writes how recent grads are going from frustration to clinical depression, and while they seem to focus on college students living from home who have problems reverting to life with mom and dad, the loss of freedom they experienced in a dorm, and handling increased expectations, they do acknowledge the reduced job prospects  and increasing college debt that would affect all graduates.

 

It makes sense for a graduate who lived at home with mom and dad, went to a dorm, and had a completely different life to have some anxiety about a complete life change but what about college graduates that have been out on their own, paying their way without the help of mom and dad, and working their way through school.  They don’t have the sudden acclimation to deal with but they do have a mountain of debt, and decreased employment opportunities, and they are also finding career paths and future educations ambitions blocked by financial challenges or economic concerns. 

So keep an eye out for a recent graduate who seems depressed, negative, lethargic, or distracted, you could try offering an observation in a nonjudgmental  manner  and perhaps let them know it is not all that uncommon to feel the way they do, especially if they are unemployed or in a low paying job, have serious financial stress or both.  You could add the reminder that having an education puts them one step above those that do not and for those obtaining a graduate level degree they are now among a very small percent of the country with less than ten percent obtaining a graduate level degree. 

Another critical issue is goal setting, a graduate student has a clear goal, once that goal is achieved it is time to set a new goal, a healthy mix of attainable goals and challenging goals lends purpose to life and can help graduates feel like they have a purpose.  Don't forget to write your goals down, look at them, and revisit them, and most of all, don't be afraid to revise them as needed!   

According to igrad there are a few tips that can help graduates cope, Jot down three happy occurrences everyday, write your stress away, techniques for this can be found in the article “Write Your Stress Away: The Miraculous Question."  Look for the silver lining, force yourself to look for the positive coming out of a situation, it might not be easy but there is something good to be found, search until you find it.   Start Anywhere, detach yourself from the bigger picture so that you can focus on smaller tasks, take it “One Day at a Time.”   Don’t fight the feeling, acknowledge the feeling, think about why or the root of the feeling, then let it go, and set a goal to defeat the root.  

Reframe failure, a life changer, it states we are too attached to perfection, and often what we perceive as a failure is in our perception! One person could consider an accomplishment a failure because it was not achieved on a personally set level, yet another person would consider it a great achievement, we are often either too hard on ourselves or not hard enough, how do we find the balance.

 

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/18/advice-for-young-jobless-college-graduates/ 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-victor-schwartz/college-grads-clinical-depression_b_1679759.html

http://www.igrad.com/articles/battling-depression-after-college-with-cognitive-therapy

http://gradschool.about.com/cs/survival/a/gradblues.htm

Surviving Life Changing Event's: One Woman's Story

We all have life changing events happen to us, and they must happen to help us grow, but we don't always know how to handle them.  Sometimes we have multiple life changing events and other times one major life changing event, and certainly everyone deals with different situations in their own special way.  This is not meant to be a step by step how to, but rather a tale filled with examples, and hopefully inspiration.  

I have had several people ask me to write more on my personal experience, and today I found myself thinking heavily on the last year and the many life changing experiences that I not only survived, but learned how to thrive in spite of.  Perhaps, my brief summary of the last year will help someone else. 

At the beginning of last year I was working at a company that I had been with for three years, it was frustrating and stressful, but it was stable.  I planned a trip out to Ireland, a place that will always feel like home to my heart, I had wanted to take this trip for many, many years.  Finally a friend and I, just did it.  When it comes to things like taking trips you always dreamed I believe you do have to “just do it.”  Too often people wait, they say someday, or when I have enough money, or maybe they just don’t think they can.  What are you waiting for?  There may not be a someday, you can always buy your tickets with your tax refund, a bonus check, or a loan against your retirement.  

Before I left on my trip I had sent my resume in for job that was in my career field, and I had gone on an interview.  On my way to the train station I received an email for screening, I was able to reroute my trip and make a pit stop at the clinic they provided before getting on the train.  While on my way to Ireland I received the job offer, it was for the same amount of pay, it was farther away, and it was a big change.  My traveling companion and good friend encouraged me to take it, she knew I was unhappy where I was, stagnate, and looking to get into my career field.  So I accepted the job.  It was fighting, leaving something stable for the unknown, but I had to take the chance.  I was unhappy a while at my current position, and I could make a move, or suffer in silence.

I came back from one of the best vacation trips ever, and to be honest it was the first true vacation trips I had ever had, and I submitted my two week notice.  I was upset to leave, I gave my notice and I cried, I can see where people might be confused when leaving a job, no matter how frustrated or troubled they are.  When you work someplace, you are there a large portion of your time, as frustration as my job could be, I still felt like my coworkers were like a family, a dysfunctional family but a family nonetheless.  It can be misleading to have these feelings, you start to think, maybe it isn’t that bad, maybe I shouldn’t leave.  You combine that with your fear of the unknown, the fear of losing stability, and the ever present fear of change, and it can make the move to a new job feel like it is a bad idea.  You start to think of staying in a place that deep down you know you wouldn’t be happy, and you cannot, you must move forward, you must confront your fears for what they are, and take that chance.

While I was here with my new position in this new place within the first month I lost my Cat, she had been with me for as long as I could remember, longer than any single family member.  I was shuttled from family to family as a child and lost my parents in different ways, and to different degrees, so the people consistently in my life were very few.  My cat was my baby, she was my family, losing her was terrible, I was beside myself with grief.  Before you trivialize the loss of a pet, consider this, owning a pet reduces your blood pressure, and lessen anxiety, they boost immunity.  I look at it this way my cats love me unconditionally, they come to me when I am sad or angry and nuzzle me, they know when I am not well, they are a constant, and they are family.  To deal with the loss of a pet you have to be open to how important they really were for you, and you have to realize that you are dealing with a loss, just like a loss of a family member.

My precious kitty wasn’t my only loss during the last year, I lost a friend of mine, a friend whom I thought we would have a great much more time.  She was young and vibrant, eccentric and quirky and I saw a lot of me in her and vice versa.  She was one of the most kind people I knew and it was very unexpected.  I did not handle it well, and why should I, I was already dealing with the loss of my old job, the fears of doing well and getting to know people at the new one, and the loss of my kitty, now this, it was as if some took my world out of their pocket and just kept shaking it to see what would fall out. I find the key with any loss is to forgive, and not just yourself, you have to forgive both the person you lost as well as yourself.  It’s normal to feel angry, frightened, depressed, and sometimes when people tell you “do you thing they would want you to feel that way”  you may want to cause them bodily harm, because you know they would want you to be happy, but you also know if they were there and you were upset they would hold onto you and possibly even cry with you.  However, they certainly wouldn’t want you to stop your life, to be unable to live.  And you yourself must find the strength to move forward even when you just want to curl up in a deep slumber.  Forgive yourself for not spending enough time, we all feel that way, and I believe we would feel that way regardless of how much time we spent with someone, it never feels like enough.  All you can do now is hold onto that and remember it is not always the amount of time, but the quality of time with those we care for.     

About four months after I settled into my new job, I went from the typical bachelor’s life to a single parent overnight.  I was working one day, feeling like everything was finally feeling comfortable, this place was my new family, and I was finally completing my assignments with more ease, finally I felt like everything was settling down. Things in my personal life were going good, I finally had my house set up and completed just the way I wanted to.  Then the phone call came, and I found myself taking in children for an undetermined amount of time, but it certainly sounded to be more long term than short.  Shortly after I was asked to pursue custody, and I didn’t miss a step, I moved my house around, it was now back in complete disarray.  I was fortunate to have wonderful friends who contributed and helped me get all the things I needed for the children, I maxed out my credit cards, put requests out to Facebook, and I slowly got them situated.  They came to me with nothing, and ended up with full rooms, toys and lots of clothes.  It happened so fast I didn’t have time to think, I only had time to react.

Within a month of taking the kids, I was offered a position with a new firm, a position that allowed me to learn a new skill set to add to the tool belt.  I knew it was risky, I knew they had let go of most other employees with exception of the core.  Yet, it was working from the house, and I could be there for the children, it was the same pay, plus ancillaries, it was what I was looking for, and it was perfect for the situation at the time.  I was still nervous, it was a small company, the person training me had let go of anyone else, I had serious misgivings, but once again I did not let my fear’s dictate my decision.  I took the new job.

It was a stressful four months, so many things to learn, so much pressure to learn them.  I was afraid for my position even though it was a trainee position, I was afraid I wouldn’t learn fast enough, and afraid to be let go.  This fear of losing my job had been with me for the last three places, and it did serious damage.  I didn’t speak up for myself, I suffered in silence, and because of this I was increasingly unhappy.  I was the equivalent of a people please, if only as it pertained to my employment, I was afraid to loss my job, so I was afraid to rock the boat, to speak out, and so I only spoke out when I was about to break, when I was desperate.  Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until my next major life change.  If I could do it again, I would speak up more often, I would put my foot down, I would not pick up other people’s work to find myself drowning.  Most importantly I would not be a doormat for the company and subsequently I would be happier.  I can’t tell you why I suddenly became a doormat, I certainly didn’t used to be.  It could be I saw too many back door deals, I saw people plotting to demote or get rid of employees while the employee was completely unaware, and I did not want to get blindsided.

Four months after I took the newest position my next life change took place, I felt it coming.  The company was struggling from what I could see, my perception was that since I was a trainee and the newest member I would be the first to be let go, but I certainly thought  I would have more time to prove myself.  I got the call just after the holiday’s, thankfully, as it was I handled it poorly.  I was still shocked, I cried, I panicked, and I got angry, all in a cycle that seemed to repeat at various stages.  I felt like it was all my fault, what could I have done differently, I have kids, what am I going to do, I can’t be out of work, I’ve never been out of work, I’ve never lost a job before.  Despite the reassurances “It’s not you it’s us” I felt like a failure, and I was never accustomed to that feeling.  I had been going to college since I got out of high school, my last position I learned a complete new skill set within 6 months with half the hardship as this new company.  I could learn, I could do it, so why, why was this happening.  Then you realize, it doesn’t matter, did you do your best, if the answer is yes then you did everything you could.  After some time passed I was able to reflect more objectively and I realized it truly was not me, it really was the company and those that were assigned to “train” me.  I still deal with the raw emotions, the betrayal, the hurt, the disappointment and the anger but I had made some important decisions.

Job Loss is very difficult, and I did write a blog and article about handling it, I will leave it to you to read if you would like more insight.  The most important thing for me when moving forward, after losing my job, was to decide what to do next, and I decided that I didn’t want to work for a company or a person that would not make me happy, I don’t want a job I am unhappy at, or stressed to the point of breakouts, and breakdowns.  No, I decided that now was the time to look at what makes me happy, now was the time to get back into my own, and really look into ways to make that happen.  Losing my job could have been the worst thing or the best thing to happen to me, and I decided it was going to be the best thing.  I decided I was going to find ways to make a living doing what I love.  I had no delusions that it would be easy, I knew it would be hard work, and I knew it would take a time, but within three weeks I started pulling in a very small about all while doing things that I love.  Once I have more success I will be sure to write an e-book sharing how I did it, for all of you who may want to make a living doing what you love, working for yourself.             

If you like the author's in this blog check out the site www.writingliberty.com and feel free to check out the author's other books;

Gratitude: The key to keeping your life moving forward positively

by Michol Mae

My grandmother was a spiritual woman, she was Blackfoot Sioux, and believed in a mix of traditional Native American beliefs and Christianity. One day she told me “Think positive and positive things will come.” I didn’t think much of it at the time, I was a teenager who was sent to a family she never knew and lost her mother and the family she had always known, I thought my world was in a tailspin that would never end. I walked a line in my teenage years, struggling to find myself, struggling to find my path, and struggling to move forward.





It was not an easy path but I made my way through it with no small number of scars to show for it, and I made it into college. I was working at the library in the college one day when my Grandmother passed, and I realized I had been so caught up in myself I missed out on getting to know her better, getting to know our heritage, and getting to know more about this family that I had become a part of. Little to I know that she had already given me the knowledge I needed, she already planted the seeds, and she already gave me enough to seek out answers to many of my questions.

I decided to start an experiment; I decided I would try her advice; I would think positive and keep a log. I selected the dates for which the experiment was to take place, I set the parameters and began. I kept a detailed journal, and there were many small blessings that would likely have not been considered if I hadn’t been doing the experiment, but that was part of what Grandmother was teaching me. I was retraining my brain. I was looking at even the small positives, and those small positives, that would have once passed unacknowledged, were now acknowledge as blessings. So the experiment continued and as I moved forward I noticed a difference in how I was thinking, but it is easy to be positive when there is now major adversity.

My life at the time consisted of going to a community college full time and working three jobs, two part time and one full time, and even still I was living pay check to paycheck. It was great to start thinking more positive but would I be able to think more positive if something major went wrong? It happened that a few major things did happen to go wrong, one of which was my car breaking down. Now, living pay check to pay check that was a big deal, and while I loved working on my car, I didn’t feel comfortable with this repair. Now here is where I really noticed a difference, instead of getting completely hysterical, and screaming to the heavens “WHY ME!?” I made myself think positive. So here I am retraining my brain to think positive and even in the face of adversity I was able to focus on my experiment and stick to the parameters. That same day my neighbor came over and let me know that he was a mechanic, it seems he saw me out at the car and saw that I was having trouble and he offered to help out, it was a wonderful affirmation that positive things do come if you can think positive.

I continued on this experiment, not allowing myself to slip into negative feels, keeping clear of the despair that I had become so well acquainted with after my mother passed away, and slowly finding my way back into the light. This experiment was a complete success for me, I was able to quantify what my grandmother said not just from a spiritual positions but from a proven experiment that I could explain to anyone, but could I explain it?

For years I had studied Shamanism, Celtic Magic, Witchcraft, Wicca, Buddhism, and of course growing up Catholic I had some knowledge of that already and all of them had a great many similarities. I came across The Secret a book that focuses on thinking positive to cultivate a successful and positive future, the book introduces the reader to the laws of attraction, stipulating that the universe doesn’t see negatives, so the more you think about a negative item, the more of that negative you get. One example given is if you think of bills, because you have so many and you are drowning, the universe hears bills, bills, bills, it does not hear you say no or I do not want the bills, so to get the results you want you have to change how you think.

The universal law that is present in The Secret gives you more of what you put out, so like Grandmother said, “If you think positive, positive things will come.” Well I knew by this time that it was true, it didn’t matter if I believed in some universal law, I had seen what changing your way of thinking could do for you first hand. By consciously making the decision to see the positive in every situation you are naturally a happier person. So I decided to give this book a try, I knew thinking positive helped me see things more positively, but could it draw things to me like this book claimed? Of course it can, and here is why, you actively retrain your brain to see the positive and then you train your brain to accept that things can happen for you, all the while you are growing your confidence in yourself and that is a major key to success.

Shortly after watching The Secret repeatedly (available on Netflix!) and reading the book I picked up a book The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, by page 8 I knew I had to write this piece because it all came together. My Grandmother’s teaching the studies that I had done in my early college years and the readings of a number of self-help books including The Four Agreements to The Secret and The Magic.

The Magic focuses in on Gratitude, showing a common connection among the main religions, “The major religions of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Sikhism, and Hinduism all have gratitude at their core.” In many pagan cultures there is a belief that everything you do will return to you 3 fold, some believe it is 7 fold, but the general rule of thumb is that everything returns to you, so if you are positive, do positive things and think positive you will receive positive, and if you are negative, well you get the idea. Even science proves that every action has an equal or greater reaction, so wouldn’t you want to perform actions that are positive so that the reaction is positive? The book offers specific quotes that make it clear gratitude was always important to a happy positive life.

“Gratitude for the abundance you’ve received is the best insurance that the abundance will continue” - Muhammad

 “You have no cause for anything but gratitude and joy” - Buddha

“If you rejoice in the way things are the whole world will belong to you” - Lao Tzu

“Whatever he is offered he accepts with joy” – Krishna

Beyond the specific quotes that are obviously advocating the use of gratitude the book mentions that Jesus himself said thank you before his miracles and King David spoke of giving thanks to the whole world for everything between the heavens and the Earth. The proof is not only in religious figures Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton were also known to give thanks and be grateful every day, and the very author of The Magic changed her life by practicing gratitude. In fact when I did my experiment I was not focused on gratitude, but in retrospect it was a natural byproduct of positive thinking, I was naturally grateful for the good things, no matter how small or large.

Ultimately, you determine how you will think and respond to every little thing every day, and there are millions of choices in a day, and within every choice is an opportunity for you to think positively and gratefully. If you are skeptical try setting your own parameters (for a minimum of one month) and conducting your own experiment, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It’s not an easy task to retrain the brain, you have to make a conscious effort to turn a negative thought into a positive thought, and make an effort to be grateful, although being grateful is often a byproduct of thinking positive, you cannot be too grateful. I am naturally grateful every time someone shows me support, and I am grateful when people make time for me, and the more grateful and positive I am the more opportunities I seem to find, that is my affirmation, my validation, that Grandmother taught me the most valuable life lesson.

If you like the author's in this blog check out the site www.writingliberty.com and feel free to check out the author's other books;

Fighting the Downward Spiral

Fighting the Downward Spiral
by Michol Mae

Have you ever had one of those day’s where you want to shout “If one more thing goes wrong…” ? Of course you have, we all have those days. Those are the days can lead to the dreaded and dangerous downward spiral. You start your day out stressed from work, home life, school, friends, or a lack of these things. Slowly it seems like everything is going wrong, even the smallest things make you feel like you could break. This negative chain of events and thoughts can spiral out of control, it can rob you of your happiness, facilitate depression, and if allowed to reign free, it can alter your path to a much darker end.





Yet, when you are in the middle of the downward spiral it can seem impossible to break out, it can suffocate you, blind you, alienate you, and push you further down, it wants to keep you. So what can you do to get out of this spiral? You fight it. Start by knowing yourself, loving yourself, and being aware of yourself. Next, try to forgive yourself. The more positive a person you are the easier it is to beat yourself up for these moments of darkness, so forgive yourself. Remember it takes more energy to be angry than happy, so holding on to anger and depression will rob you of energy. The universe is much more forgiving then we are, the universe does not weigh negativity as heavily as positively, so by actively combating the negative feelings you are shaping a more positive future.
Once you forgive yourself, you have begun the fight out of the spiral, you have stopped yourself from sinking further down. Another very helpful technique is to write down what issues prompted this spiral, then burn or throw them away. A meditative technique could be to visualize the item and then visualize it going into the trash. I often visualize my mind as a computer, where I can drag and drop items, and then I can file things away into the recycling bin, or into separate folders. This technique helps tell your brain what is important and what is not important. Smile. That’s right just smile, the act of smiling alone can elevate your mood and help battle negativity and depression. Among other things that elevate your mood are exercise and chocolate, yes that’s right, you now have an excuse to reach for those dark chocolate morsels. Studies have shown that exercise and chocolate can increase the serotonin levels in your brain, this chemical is responsible for making us feel better.
Are you breathing? Don’t forget to breathe, take deep breaths. You might find the more stressed you are the more shallow your breathing will be, remember, the more shallow the breath the easier to stress. Take a deep breath and fill your belly, most people make the mistake of breathing through their chest, you get a more full breath breathing from your belly. Breath into your belly, feel your breath fill your belly, hold your breath for a moment, then slowly exhale. You will notice that your body naturally responds to deep breathing by relaxing. Still not out of the spiral, find an outlet. Every person has a passion, an interest, or a hobby that they enjoy, engage in your outlet, as soon as you are able. Once you have engaged in your hobby you will find your spirits lifting and you will be closer to defeating the downward spiral. Do something fun or relaxing, only you know what will make you happy.
In the end, it is up to you, only you can know what will and won’t work for you, and it may take time to figure out what will work, don’t give up and don’t give in, fight for your happiness. Every time you defeat the downward spiral you are adding days of happiness to your future, you are reclaiming your right to happiness. You are taking steps to be a positive person with a positive future. If you find this article helpful, bookmark it and come back to it again whenever you need it.

If you like the author's in this blog check out the site www.writingliberty.com and feel free to check out the author's other books;

Handling Job Loss

Throughout the years I have successfully dodged the job loss bullet.  I was fortunate enough to leave from one job to another, on occasion just before lay-off, successfully staying ahead of the economic downturn, until now.  I left what appeared to be a stable position for a new company that offered me a trainee position, four months later I was let go.  The reason for the termination, the company could not afford a trainee position that does not contribute to billable items.  So I wasn’t making the company enough money fast enough. 

So what happens now?  A question everyone in this situation asks. You could panic, frantically reaching out to all the connections that you have, in search of a new job.  You could blame yourself, beat yourself up over the loss.  You could but you don’t have to.  You will experience the stages of grief, and every person grieves in their own way.  Okay, so you acknowledge you are grieving, you stop yourself from panicking, and you realize that you are not to blame.  The economy is downturned, you did your best, don’t second guess that, accept it.    

Great, but I’m still lost.  Of course you are! Take a minute, breathe, relax, look at this as an opportunity.  Did you like what you were doing? Is there something else you have a passion for?  What environment do you want to work in?  Write down what you truly want from a job or career, visualize it every day and you are more likely to manifest it.  If you find yourself becoming overburdened with negativity write them down and throw them away or burn them.  Studies show that trashing your negative thoughts and focusing on positive thoughts can make a major difference. 

It takes time to bounce back from losing a job, in fact the loss of a job is ranked up there with divorce and you wouldn’t expect to get over a divorce overnight would you?   Give yourself a break, you will feel sad, angry, confused, overwhelmed, you might find your patience slipping, you may lash out, these feelings are perfectly normal, and can be combated with an active effort to think positive.      

    

If you like the author's in this blog check out the site www.writingliberty.com and feel free to check out the author's other books;