Who was I? Who am I? Who will I be? Who do I want to be? The answer: I am myself. in all of these questions I am still myself. Yes I have seen the changes through the years, some will call it growth, perhaps some digressions, others success, and yet others will say I am the same.
They would all be right.
Yes, I have grown, digressed, succeeded and failed, and I am still at my core myself. Yet, I have lost myself. Have you ever lost yourself? I feel as though everyone losses themselves from time to time, they get caught up in all of the peripherals and lose sight of themselves. It can be easy to do, you go through life and layer it with more and more responsibility, more and more to lose (or so you think) more and more stress, and you find yourself feeling all sorts of feelings, then you get a little nostalgic, you think back to the days in high school, or grade school, perhaps college, those days when mom and dad paid the bills had the stress and you just worked on your grades, well some of you did. You look at your life and you think, have I changed?
No. You did not change you adapted to the perceived stress, the perceived risk of loss, you gained more responsibilities and became more responsible and with that you became more stressed, but you at your core are likely the same. You get nostalgic because you miss that free spirited feeling, that feeling of freedom, where now you feel confined. It's a ripple effect as well, no you are stressed your mind body and spirit can be affected. You find little things that you used to do, music you used to listen to bring up feelings you can almost identify with but not quite enjoy because you now have a wall. A wall of perception that is quite real in your mind. The wall that says you can't be who you were you have to be responsible. Can't you be responsible and still enjoy who you were at your core?
Of Course! Break the wall. Break the illusion of control. Let's face it, in this day and age everyone is stressed out about potential job loss, home foreclosures, war and a variety of other potential stresses. Why add to them. What can you control?
Yourself. You can control yourself, how you act and react, even how you feel that is what you can control.
Let's get back to basics, what do you need? I mean really need. Make a list. Look at it again, what can you cross off, you don't NEED a big screen TV that is a want. You NEED to put a roof over your head and have food. Do you have that? Are you able to provide that at this moment every month? If you can find your needs and meet your basic needs, the rest is all mental.
Yes. Mental. You have to retrain your brain now to recognize needs and wants. Sure you want to get out of debt, did you want that when you were in college, chances are no, you wanted an education and it cost you some debt, but you pursued it because you knew it was important. So sit with yourself for a moment and consider your needs and you wants, while you are at it consider who you want to be. Chances are you don't want to be that angry person losing their mind because someone gave you the wrong coffee, wouldn't you rather free yourself from the knee jerk reactions and be able to respond to things without losing it. It is not easy in the beginning but it can be done if you decide that is the direction you truly want to go.
I made that decision. I also decided to share with you what works and does not work for me. For now I have to run, I have work to attend to. Think about it, leave me comments, sometimes writing it out or chatting with a friend is all you need to do to realize where you are and where you want to be.
Namaste
Michol Mae
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