Increasing Your Sense of Self-Worth

I have told several people, on several occasions, I write and I sing, but who am I that anyone will care. For the most part people seem to agree, they would nod there head or say good for you to pursue your dreams, until one day I was talking with a friend of mine. I sat at my kitchen table talking with my friend, she is a relatively new friend but our friendship might as well started lifetimes ago. I said to her “Well, I write articles and blogs, and write my own music as a hobby, I love what I do but, why would people care about me, I’m a nobody: and I laughed at the absurd notion that people would seek me out specifically to read what I write. My friend did not laugh, instead her brow furrowed and she looked and gave me a reply that I would never have expected, due to the personal nature of the reply I will not write it word for word, but I will say she looked me in the eye and told me I was somebody, not a nobody. She pointed out all that I have done and been through and the value that I have to offer in the world in such a way she convinced me in that moment I was of value. I was SOMEONE! I felt pretty good about that, but I didn't act on it right away, I let it sit with me, roll around in my head a bit and from this one conversation came today’s topic self-worth.

How many people tell you that you are worth something? How many people make you feel like you are worthless? Unfortunately the odds may be stacked against you (Unless of course you are one of the lucky ones that compliments always came easy too, in which case hat’s off to you ). In today’s society it seems we have put a premium on being negative and are more likely to seek out the flaws of a person than to say something nice. To make matters worse I have heard an increasing number of people say “If S/He doesn’t say anything than that means I am doing good.” This kind of workplace practice spills over into relationships and if we are not careful before we know it the whole world will start adopting this negative based mentality, where it is acceptable to reprimand but never compliment. This can take a heavy toll on your self-esteem if you are not prepared.

It can be very challenging to change your mindset, but I challenge you to do just that, I challenge you to say “NO! I will not sit idly by while our society takes a further nose dive” and I encourage you to take back your personal power. Let me be one of the people to tell you that YOU are SOMEBODY! You have something to offer, I know that you do, and somewhere inside you know you do. Now you may be reading this thinking “Who is she to tell me I am someone!” yes, I get that response, and I don’t take it personally. Who am I, I am a mother, and aunt, a sister, a friend, a musician, a writer, an I.T. professional, a Librarian and so much more. Back in college I was asked to write a paper called I Am, and I wrote I Am Me! I filled that paper with who I was but the fact reminds that I am simply me, and I will change like the ebb and flow of the tide because that is the nature of life. Now, that we have that settled, who are you? You read this far so you must be somewhat interested in reclaiming your self-worth, perhaps you are even waiting patiently or otherwise for me to get to the part where I tell you how.

That being said let me give you a list of steps;

1) Challenge yourself to believe that you are worth something to the world, (clicktotweet) at some point in life someone may have told you or lead you to believe you were worthless, you do not have to agree with them, do not let them carry this influence over them. They have their opinion, let them have it, but know that you are worth something.

2) You are always worth something to someone (clicktotweet), in fact you are worth something to me, the fact that you are reading what I write makes me grateful to you, and the fact that you are willing to improve yourself and challenge negativity makes you valuable to the whole world.

3) Write a list of what you do well, everyone has things that they do well, if you struggle with this use social media to ask your friends and family what they think you do well. If you don’t want to do that then list what you love to do, and if you love to do it, you can learn to do it well.

4) Write a list of all the negative statements that anyone ever said to you, anything that diminished your self-worth, anything that stopped you from doing what you love, or just impacted you negatively. Then look at each of them ask yourself if you think it is true, then tell yourself it is not true, you do not accept it, and burn it, or crumple it and throw it away. When you are getting rid of this paper focus on it, you are releasing it.

5) Don’t take anything personally the fact is everyone acts out based on their own situation, some people could be telling you these negative things because they are jealous, because they are insecure, or because someone else told them the same thing, it’s not that they intentionally want to hurt you, they might not know better, but understand they do what they do because of themselves, not because of you. I had a woman completely dismiss me once, she shooed me away like I was of no value at all, and I was hurt, I was angry but I used some of the steps I am giving you and I was able to regain my composure, the next time I worked with her she was very polite and friendly, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she didn't get the angry response she expected, either way I knew it wasn't personal, and so I was able to finish my day and formulate a good relationship, where if I had reacted out of my own anger from my own feelings of insecurity I may have made an enemy. So don’t take it personal!

6) Express yourself. How many times do you hold things in? How often are you afraid of saying something? Chances are if you read this far, it’s pretty often, maybe you don’t like confrontation, maybe you want everyone to like you, whatever the reason, holding in anything is not healthy, what’s more holding it in can lead to misinterpretation. So take the time to formulate a response or comment, be kind but firm and assertive. I have a family member who will get mad and you know it because of her body language but you might have no idea why!? It’s maddening! I often thing isn't it better to just say it instead of getting all twisted inside, but then I wouldn't say anything for fear of getting her further upset and I got all twisted inside! Finally, I came to these steps and I used them, even with her, I was able to be honest, speak with integrity and prevent these twisted moments. If I suspected she was upset about something or that she was going to be upset I would say something like “I was afraid to wake you if I called so late, or I was afraid you would be aggravated if I came over at that time” You know our relationship is so much less twisted and she probably has no idea why! Don’t get me wrong it was not easy to do at first but after the first few times you realize you gain benefits from it. You are worth it! Express yourself! Your feelings are valid! (clicktotweet)

7) Give yourself a break! Realize that you are human, you will make mistakes, you will say the wrong thing, it’s okay, it doesn't matter how many mistakes you make you are still SOMEONE! In fact some of the greatest inventors of our time make hundreds and thousands of mistakes before discovering something that changed the world!( clicktotweet) Remember that, you can change the world!

Finally, although I could write much more on this topic, (in-fact perhaps I should write an e-book) remember that you cause a ripple effect in all that you do. A stone thrown into a pond ripples out with thousands of ripples, some large & some small but that stone started it all. You are that stone( clicktotweet), let your ripple effect be a positive one. If this helps you, I want to know! Leave a comment! If you have any helpful suggestions leave a comment!