Changing Your Perception Positively

I was having a chat today with a fellow human about perception, assumptions and educated guesses as it pertains to our positive thinking.  After talking it through he suggested I add part of our discussion to the book I am writing, I thought I ought to share it with you, rather than make you wait for the book.  

Many a problems arise when we make assumptions, educated guesses, or draw conclusions.  Often it is our desire to make sense of things, to know what the other person is thinking, to know what will happen, that brings us the most stress.  Even more often our tendency to assume and guess at the negative tends to outweigh that of the positive.  

You may know by now, I am a huge fan of the Four Agreements, a book by Miguel Ruiz, and I am also a fan of the law of attraction.  These principles can and will help you change into a more positive frame of mind, and one of those principle, one of those agreements if you will, is "Don't Make Assumptions."

Why don't you want to make assumptions, well aside from the part where they are almost always wrong, they are often always negative.  So let's just say for the sake of argument that you can't quit making assumptions cold turkey, you have been doing it all your life, it's a part of you, heck maybe you even enjoy it.  But if you don't enjoy it perhaps I can give you some inspiration to change your perception to a more positive one.  Well, then lets work on making those assumptions a bit less negative shall we.

Here is one for the ladies, I have know a great many women that have gone through a cycle, this cycle starts with "prince charming" that society shows us in fairy tales, inevitably at some point they cycle out of that into an ultra independence, during this stage, watch out! They don't want anyone doing anything for them, they can open their own door, carry their own groceries, and any attempt to help is met with a grumbling glare that says "How dare you suggest I need your help" or "How dare you demean me." Now hopefully the carnage was minimal from that stage and we move into the respect stage.  This is where I hope most men and women reside, the place where they respect themselves and others. This is the best place to be, particularly if we want to change our way of thinking and reject the negative assumptions we have made.

I know many women who think a guy opening a car door is wonderful, and I know many women who think that it is terrible and demeaning, or diminishing that woman's worth.  Well, either woman would be wrong, because it is your perception, and that resonates within you. What I can tell you is that choosing to believe a negative over a positive will result in you feeling angry, stressed, or any other number of negative emotions, that frankly you don't need, and should not encourage.  So what can you do, you can change your perception.  First, consider this, the many holding the door, might very well hold it for a man as well as a woman.  Isn't that a more pleasant thought?  Second, the man may be holding the door open for you because he respects you, not because he thinks you are worth less.  Third, if you assume you will not get the truth, you will create a false truth in your mind that does nothing but feed the negative, if it eats at you, just ask. "Excuse me sir, why did you hold the door open for me?"  He might say because he wanted to be nice, or because he always holds the door, or because you look like his former wife who passed and he always got the door for her, or he could say he did it for any number of reasons, some of which you might not like, or understand, but try...try to understand. Now, I have magic man by Heart in my head. 

So, now what if the answer or reason is unacceptable to you, well try to understand it.  Don't let it turn you rotten or negative. People are living their lives, and their lives are unique to them, no one goes through exactly the same situations in their lives, we each have our very own story, and while others may be similar no one is the same.  We are like snowflakes, except we don't melt on your tongue....or do we....I'm kidding!  So take a moment and think about the negative assumptions you make. 

Someone does not answer you right away, you text or called and they did not reply, where does your mind go?  I've had people (who clearly don't know my phone dies at least once a day) get very upset or text me repeatedly asking if I were mad at them, if they offended me, or if I was otherwise upset. First, I often point out it takes a lot to offend me, second I tell them my phone died or that I was working and didn't get it until later.  But look at what happened these people got themselves all stressed (to whatever degree) about a story they made up in their head that really had no foundation in reality.  They made assumptions about me, I'm not immune to it either, I have had my moments of crazy assumptions. To counter them, take a moment when you feel the crazies coming on, and make an effort not to assume anything, make an effort to be okay with not knowing for just a little while, and make an effort to be understanding.

Guys, I don't want you to feel left out.  Everything above applies to you, but I would like to add a little note to you here.  I have asked my ladies not to make an assumption as to your motives, now I ask you not to make assumptions based on a woman's reaction.  You might go to open a car door and she might have an issue, don't just assume she is a feminazi, try to be understanding.  You don't know her story.  If a girl keeps you on the line longer than you like without giving as much as you like, don't assume she is a prude, a tease, or a user try to be understanding, she may have had some abuse and it takes her longer to feel safe, she may have had a traditional family, overly religious family, or maybe what seems normal to you may not be normal to her.  Likewise if she decides a sleep over is in order the first night, don't shame her, degrade, her or call her names, she chose to share herself with you, be grateful you had someone to share some moments with.  

Be grateful, be understanding, make less assumptions.  When you catch yourself making negative assumptions counterattack with positive assumptions, if you have to counter them with fairy tale positive assumptions, make up a good outrageous story that is so outlandish it immediately makes the negative disappear and probably makes you smile.  You are one step closer to changing your positively changing your perception!